After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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