Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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