Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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