so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
