There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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