That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
