It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
