She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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