I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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