you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
