The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
