i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
