Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
