I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
