please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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