it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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