we have officially lost it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
