You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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