Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
