Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my sisters under your porch take her home
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
