Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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