remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
