let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
