I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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