i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
