She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
