Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
