Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pants are for mortals
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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