If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
