I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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