U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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