I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
