Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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