is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
