to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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