Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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