If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
