So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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