the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
