if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
