You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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