What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
