God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
