come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
