Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
