I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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