I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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