i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
