I'm gonna have a badass scar
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
