Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
