just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
