You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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