Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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