i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
