Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
