Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
