Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
