I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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