You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
