office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
