I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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