So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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