so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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