You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
