Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
