1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
