My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
