I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
