Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
