The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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