I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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