You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
