I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
