Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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