yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Houston, we have a blender
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
