the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
smell my finger.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
