his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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