Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
