he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
